Temporary Blindness

1 Oct

Welcome, baby!
Welcome, baby!
courtesy of Bethany Ann Khan

Two weeks ago Don and I got an e-mail from our agency with the subject line, “Can we show your profile – BABY BORN”.

It’s not the first time we’d gotten a request to show our profile to a birth mother outside of our APQ, but it was the first time that the baby had already been born.

I was at Johns Hopkins visiting my eye specialists when I read the e-mail. I was between appointments and walking to the coffee shop when the email came so I quickly scanned it. What I first saw was baby girl, a budget number that didn’t make me freak out and the baby’s birth date. September 11. The same day we lost my cousin to lung cancer.

I called Don and we talked through the things I had not wanted to see on my first review of the situation. Scary things that needed consideration. Like the fact that the birth mom was an IV-drug user, was positive for Hep B and C, had received no pre-natal care and that the baby had been born at home. ┬áThe baby’s temperature was elevated, she was on antibiotics and she had tremors when startled. None of her tests results were recorded yet.

I called our adoption specialist and asked when the test results might be in. She said it could be up to two weeks for some of them. I asked if the baby had been born at home because the mother was using at the time of the baby’s birth. Angie said she had definitely used drugs on September 11, though it was unclear how long before she went into labor she had shot up.

I blame the eye doctors for my case of temporary blindness that day.

We passed on the opportunity. Angie told me three other couples had said yes so I didn’t have to worry that this precious little girl wouldn’t find her home. She is someone else’s daughter and they will love her. By now, they already do. By now they might know some of the medical issues she will face in life. She has a name. She has a mom and a dad. She has birth parents who will be part of her life as they are able and if have the desire. And someday, she will hear the complicated story of her birth.

I’ve been thinking about that little girl a lot and hoping for the very best things. She deserves an amazing life.

8 Responses to “Temporary Blindness”

  1. Heather October 1, 2012 at 10:39 am #

    <3 <3 <3

    • susan October 1, 2012 at 4:37 pm #

      Thanks, Heather. I imagine there is a lot of this in the months to come.

  2. Matthew October 1, 2012 at 11:46 am #

    You are such a beautiful writer.

  3. Susan Smith October 1, 2012 at 5:20 pm #

    Believe me when I say, there are only so many mountains each of us can climb even though we sometimes look back and ask why we didn’t climb just one more.

  4. Dawn October 1, 2012 at 10:33 pm #

    Prayers for her and for you two.

    • susan October 2, 2012 at 5:31 am #

      Indeed. And thank you.

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